Fulfilment

I feel, as I'm sure others do that I am nearing an end of an era. Tehya is in School, Koen in Pre-school and will be in Nursery everyday by September.  So I am left with a bit of a dilemma....what next? 
Can you be happy and unfulfilled and vice versa?

I have loved being a stay at home Mum, it has given me so much happiness and yes fulfilment but only fulfilment as a mother. Does wiping noses and bums give me fulfilment...not so much and there are only so many times that I have the will to play sleeping beauty or pirates (we have a very stereotypical children!).  But I would never have changed this time even though many times I have craved the busyness and mental strain of what was my career.

I have maintained employment at Quintiles on a VERY part-time basis but does this even give me fulfilment...no, not really, it's just the same issue's. ( I am at this point grateful that someone who may be reading this was first my friend and colleague before she was my boss!).

There have been many times when I been totally fulfilled. A year ago I was in the middle of rehearsing for a play that stretched me not only as an actress ( I had to be serious for 2.5 hours) but also emotionally. The realisation of the number of lines that had to be learnt was overwhelming, the thought of not being able to leave the stage to recompose was terrifying.  From December to April I rehearsed every day for 2 - 3 hours, I went to bed with the script and woke up with the flipping thing.
A number of times I came home from a rehearsal in tears, my ever supportive husband gave me advice that only a man can give "oh just tell them your not doing it"  yeah right, with a week before the first performance.

Was I happy during this time?...no, not really but was I fulfilled?  Abso flippin lutely!  The adrenaline rush during and after each performance was huge and what an amazing sense of achievement.

Over the last few weeks I have been wondering,as I fill another skip, which is strangely fulfilling, what "floats my boat".  Not all the things that gave me fulfilment five years ago mean that much to me now. As priorities change so do my methods of seeking fulfilment.

Life is a journey and I am taking a new route, but a few things remain.
God is with me through all my journeys no matter what route I take.
My family are so precious to me and will always give me happiness.
The house extension is and will continue to be a never ending pain in my back side!